Some weeks I feel discouraged. Typically around shark week. Ha!!! I know I am hormonal, which makes me pick myself apart. It is probably the worst time for me, self esteem wise. This is the time I kick my own butt! There is no room for doubt. There is no room for negativity. There is only room for improvement!!!
I will not get where I am wanting to go, by beating myself up. Bulking can be frustrating, because you are slowly watching yourself gain. After taking so long to figure out HOW to lose, it’s hard to convince myself to gain it back ha ha. I knew going into this bulk that I was going to go through this at some point. It really is a mind game, but just another hurdle I am going to have to get over.
I know how to lose the extra fluff this time around. I know that gaining some fat is just part of the process that I am going to accept, because I have to! There is no choice in the matter. To grow I have to gain! I am actually proud of myself, because last bulk I gained a lot of fat and gained it fast. It was not a controlled bulk. This time I have more control and am monitoring things much more closely. This is also probably why it gets to me more ha ha. I see more of the gains every week in writing which can be discouraging. Seems this week I am more bothered by photos. Up until this point I have only had to take a few pics of each pose. My usual reasoning for not liking a photo is my posing (which is something I am still working on ha ha ha) This week my belly really got to me. I found myself taking photo, after photo, after photo, after photo, before I realized it wasn’t going to change anything. I am just fluffy ha ha ha. I keep in mind what one of the judges said and that was “You WILL gain fat in the process, do NOT let it hold you back!” I’m not going to let ANYTHING hold me back from my
goals no my dreams! I will NEVER SETTLE!!!
My Macros are staying the same. I am seeing the same gains every week, so there is no need to tweak them at all. This week my measurements also all stayed the same. The only change was in my weight, which obviously changed my caliper reading as well.
Last week to this week….
Weight 135.6 to 137.2
Thighs L 19 1/2 R 19 1/2
Calves L 13 1/2 R 13 1/2
Arms L 12 1/2 R 12 1/2
Rump 36 1/2
Calipers/LBM 117.2/112 to 17.9/112
It’s like I have said before, I want to keep this process as real as possible. From the frustrations to the joys. There aren’t many who post their off seasons gains, at least not like they do their prep. I understand why It is hard to put yourself out there like this. This is week 7 of my bulk and I have a very long way to go, but I am ready!
I had some ask when I plan on competing again? It will not be till the fall of 2015, for several reasons. Obvious one is I need to bulk up quite a bit more. Another is we are concentrating on Josh’s job right now and getting his goals accomplished. He too has big dreams and as his wife I need to be as supportive as possible! After all he has been my biggest supporter
Don’t forget to enter the Saturn Supplements giveaway on my giveaway page! Hope you all have a fabulously fit day!!!!